Making Memories

Yesterday was one of the funnest days I've had in a long time, I took Madison to get her pictures taken for Easter.Thanks to her Aunt Shelby we got lots of Smiley Pictures. But most of all got to spend time with my daughter. I can't wait till she is older, then she and I can go shopping together and I can take her to get her nails done and just do all the things with her that my mother and I never really did. I want her to have a decent family. I want to be the type of family that goes on trips together and that has fun on the weekends and that build memories that she can be proud to tell her kids about one day. I love my little more than anything in the whole world! She means everything to me. I want so much more for her. I want her to have the life that I never had. It's funny how things are sometimes. This year is all of Madison's first. Her first Valentine's Day, Easter , St. Patrick's Day, 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Technically her First Christmas. I say technically for Christmas because on last year she was 2 days old, so this year she will be 1yr old and she will know what is going on. I love the fact that from now on all my memories are going to have  this beautiful little girl in them for the rest of my life.  I have been working on a scrap book for her for some photos I printed and well now for some of her Easter photos. I hope one day she will look at the scrap book and see all the memories that we have created for her and look back on things with joy and fondness. I also hope that when she gets older that we can do the scrapbook together. I want her to be happy and I will do everything possible to make sure that she is. 

Growing Up

So lately I've been looking at my the Facebook profiles of my friends from high school and I just can't believe how fast time has gone by. It seems like just yesterday I was sitting at the lunch table with laughing and joking around or walking to class with them. Man how things have change! I have been trying to track down my high school year books for nostalgia purposes and I know that they are in my garage but the question is "where?". I went to 3 high school in my high school career, "Thomas Jefferson in Decatur IL 3 months my 9th grade year, Palisades Charter High School in Los Angeles CA from 9th grade to 11th, and Lely High school my Senior year in Naples FL. My junior year and senior years of high school were the best, I had the most amazing friends and they are some of my best friends! I look back on those two years and I see how much things have changed some much since then. We are all grown ups now. Some of us have gone off to collage and graduated and started amazing careers , Some moved away, some joined the Navy, Army, or other form of Military, some have gotten married and had babies, Some have gone on amazing adventures and mission trips through out the world, we have all gone off and done our own things. WE HAVE BECOME GROWN UPS!! Looking back I remember seeing my life playing out in a whole different way but what can I say I was young. I had the dream of going to Harvard and becoming a lawyer with a background in forensic studies, well needless to say that didn't happen. But on the brightside I would not change the way things have turned out for anything in the world. From time to time we run into each other or message each other on Facebook or Twitter and we ask each other how the other is doing and then say "We should hang out some time." which is always a good intention but with schedule conflicts and a million other things it never really works out. Out of all the people I miss from high school I miss my Cali friends the most Slade, Devin and Elisabeth. They got me though a rough patch. They were there for me when my other friends abandoned me due something stupid.  Because of them My Junior year of high school was a total blast! They actually helped me learn to be myself. Looking at things now you can really tell that we are all grown up!

I am a Mother

I always knew that I was destined to be a wife and a Mother. It was a calling that I felt long before I was able comprehend what love and marriage actually meant. It was like the feeling I had when I was younger telling me that I was differnt from everyone else, older in spirit then in age. On December 23, 2011 I gave birth to my daughter Madison by C-section. In the moments before her birth I can remember being nervous, out right scared, and a flurry of other emotions, but I also couldn't wait to see her. My husband Josh was a great comfort to me in the operating room, he sat there and held my hand and kept telling me that he loved me. When the Doctor finally pulled her out and I heard her cry for the first time, I wept with a sense of euphoria, my little girl was in the world. I only got to see her for about 30 seconds when the doctor lifted her over the curtain that was seperating my upper body from the grisly scene that was my lower body. After all was said and done and she was wiped off and had everything cleaned out they handed her to my husband, the smile from ear to ear on his face was priceless. Now here I can admit to some jealousy, I wanted to hold her first. Had I of had a natural child birth like I wanted I would of gotten to do that, unfortunately circumstances would not allow for that. I can remember being in Panic when it was time for Josh and the baby to leave the room so they could staple me back together, even though I knew Madison was in safe hands I still couldn't fight fear. I never really understood why I was afraid, I just wanted to hold her. I remember when they finally wheeled me out into the recovery room and I saw my baby there, I felt a pang and a longing in my heart to hold her. After was seemed like an eternity and when they were done giving her her shots and stuff I finally got to hold my baby. When I finally got to hold her, I felt a joy in my heart that I have never felt before, It was an instant bond. One can never truly explain the feeling of the bond between Mother and child, you have to experience it yourself to truly understand. Since Madison has been born it been a new adventure and a new experience. There are good days and bad days, but every day is more beautiful then one before. In the three months since her birth she has grown so much. I love her more with each passing day. I am a mother and I wouldn't want to be anything else.