TAKING A TIME OUT!

Ok so I know that it has been a while since I have posted anything but I have been one busy busy woman. The Holiday season is always busy for me. All through October I was taking my Daughter to a bunch of Tick or Treating and Fall Festivals. November is also the month for all my Birthdays, I have a ton of family members that are born in either November or December. If i disappear again for a little bit I am sorry. I haven't even had the chance to do my 30 day Pinterest challenge.  Hopefully I won't be disappearing to much. I know when December rolls around I might not be on here as much as I would like.

Well Im am going to just leave it here for now and keep it short and sweet. I still got Mommy Duties that need taken care of.


Love
Christiania

My 30 Day Pinterest Challenge

So like most people I have caught on to the Pinterest trend. They have some of the most wonderful ideas for anything that you can think of.  Well I am giving myself 30 Days to try 30 different ideas from Pinterest, wither it be crafts, food ideas, or activities. I will be posting photos and the link of the Item that I choose for the day.  Naturally I started a board with all the things that I will be trying.  I am going to be starting a separate blog just for this Challenge. I may have to alter some recipes due to the fact that my roommate has food allergies but i am going to try and find stuff that he can eat too. There will be a lot of sweets and some kids food ideas too!

If you would like to follow along please click on the links below:

The Pinterest Board:   http://www.pinterest.com/sweett90049/30-day-pinterest-challenge/

The Blog: http://30daypinterestcooking.blogspot.com/

The challenge Starts on October 6th, 2013. I will be keeping track of the days on the blog and what I make. I will be posting photos to the blog as well.  To show what I have made. I will be posting the link to each pin on the blog so you can make the item also if you want.

Thats all for my night!

Love
Christiania

Lack Of Sleep Leads to Zombification

I'm going to make this short. It has been about 3 weeks since I have actually had a decent nights sleep. I've been going sleep around 3am and then waking up for no bloody reason at 5am and am not able to get back to sleep. Now it's not like a choose to not got sleep till 3am, its just for some odd reason I cant. I've tried everything, from taking dose's of Benadryl, to taking sleeping pills and nothing works.  Lack of sleep has made me irritable and almost zombie like. I'm so Zombified that I'm afraid that someone is going to try and shoot me through the head. I think Urban Dictionary hit the nail on the head with their definition.

Zombified:

A.) When you wake up feeling so crappy, you walk around moaning and dragging your feet. A result of either being hungover or just not being a morning person. B.) In the state of extreme exhaustion. You are so completely tired that your eyes burn, your head aches, and your mouth hangs open. You are Zombified if you are in such a state.

I am an insomniac but this crap is getting to outta hand. I need my sleep and I cant function and take care of my Daughter if I dont get any sleep. I've taken passing out on the couch after my Daughter gets up in the morning. ugh. Well since my Daughter is passed out right now I think I'm going to join her and catch up on some sleep or atleast try to anyways.

Love

Christiania

I Need Masculism – a slam poem from Tumblr

Okay My Friend Ariel posted this poem that she got from tumblr on Facebook and I just had to share with you all. 

I Need Masculism – a slam poem.

I need masculism because we exist
Deep within the bowels of the matriarchy’s iron fist
And the tears of millions of friendzone-ees everywhere
Could fill the rivers and effectively end any water shortage

I need masculism because men have body issues too
And there aren’t enough low-cal, low-fat, 
And general diet products
Marketed towards men!
And the beauty product industry? Ha!
Men age too, feminist scum!
Where are the men’s collagen creams?
Where is the men’s makeup section?
Where are the Spanx for men?
This is the female gaze-driven
Society we’re talking about here!

I need masculism because
Countless numbers of my Nice Guy brethren
Are fighting an endless fight to escape
The seventh circle of hell (AKA the friendzone)
Through countless good deeds and favors
And they don’t even get their penises stroked.

I need masculism because girls have cooties
And they should be thankful 
That I’m willing to touch them
In the first place.
I fully believe that consent is out-dated
Since mr-cappadocia said it’s rooted
In a woman’s desire for an A+ mate
And anyway, after all,
Would you rather hear me yell,
“Nice tits, baby!”
Or “saggy-tittied-hairy-legged-bitch,”
From the window of my mom’s Ford Probe?
“Nice tits” is clearly a complement.
You ungrateful empowered bitches.

I need masculism because
Men are marginalized in nearly everything
TheAmazingAtheist
Isn’t a respected public official 
On social issues.
And because
Those who don’t prioritize my problems OVER theirs
Are disgusting reverse-sexists.

I need masculism because I should be allowed
To force the abortion of my baby
Even though the pregnancy is taking place
In a body that isn’t mine
And I had unprotected sex fully aware
Of the potential consequences

I need masculism because all these women
Think I’m not qualified to make laws
About their bodies due to my lack of a vagina.
I think one of my favorite politicians once said
“You don’t have to own a car
To know how to fill up, amirite?”
-Probably Rick Perry or Todd Akin
(who knows, who cares?
I’m too busy fighting the matriarchy to fact-check.)

I need masculism because men are
Supposed to be strong
But this is a woman’s world,
And the women of the world
Can easily break my masculinity
By contaminating anything I touch with their girl cooties
And that’s clearly misandry, right?
There’s a reason we don’t want you
To touch our video games.

I need masculism because there are more
Incarcerated men
Than there are women,
And Orange is the New Black
Oppresses me
And clearly ignores the demographics at hand.
But if someone made a show
More accurate, like say,
About women in the kitchen entitled
Mustard is the New Mayonaise 
The producers would have ludicrous insults thrown at them
Like, “sexist pig!” or “backwards misogynist!”

I need masculism because the NSA
Has ignored my please to monitor the friendzoning females
And the great and manipulative injustice the brought upon
49% of Americans everyday.
Some bullcrap about “more serious problems,”
Like “terrorism” ooOOOooh, or
“Drug cartel” oooOOOOoooooOOOh, or
“International espionage that could threaten the safety of our nation!”
Big fucking deal. 
I have an unappeased boner and an unmade sandwich, here!
Get your priorities straight
And wake the hell up, America.

But most importantly,
I need masculism because my
Black-and-white pinstripe fedora
Doesn’t match
The orange Cheeto dust in my neckbeard. 

- By: stellarsarah.tumblr.com

Hope you liked it!


Love
Christiania

Candy Candy and More Candy

So I'm a bit of a Pinterest addict and I'm not afraid to admit it. Well I've been looking up some things to do for my daughters Birthday party in December and I have decided that I'm going to do a candy buffet. Of course I realize that this might just be a dangerous idea but then again, i'm not the kids parents and they should be the ones who decide what the kids can and cannot have. I am also planning to do a decorate your own cupcake bar , because let's be honest it's cheaper then getting a cake now a days and its allot freaking easier.

In other things candy related I've been making a crap ton of candy bouquets for people. I just spent like $52 at Sam's Club on candy for them. Once again allot cheaper to buy in bulk then paying for them per piece. I've got two that need to get done this week and one that needs to be delivered on Wednesday. Let's face it I'm a stay at home Mommy and I need to find things to occupy my time. I would love to start making jewelry again but right now the funds are a tad low.

I have till November to get all my stuff for my Daughters birthday and for her Christmas. I have will have candy coming out of my ears soon! Trying to track down candy that is all purple and all pink is not my favorite task. Right now I have a whole board on Pinterest that just for her Birthday and one for candy ideas. There are things from how to make your own sugar candy to Chocolate dipped marshmallows. I have a feeling that some parents are going to kill me when they see what I have in store for her party, but I think i can deal with that. Oh a word for the Wise..Stay away from bulk candy sites they charge a hell of allot more then your wholesale clubs do, plus the shipping is horrendous! I though about hiring someone to do the candy buffet but once again it's just cheaper to do it myself. Trying to budget a party on $350 that's including her gifts for Birthday and Christmas (which we are having to bundle as one this year) is proving to not be an easy task, but I am the queen of discounts and have been planning this party since June so I will find what i'm looking for at any cost! I'm making most of the decorations myself and thanks to a wonderful site www.listia.com I have even managed to get some stuff without having to pay a dime out of pocket.


As of tomorrow the candy rush begins as I pick up my first order of candy for my bouquets and then get them put together and shipped out to the proper people and then the real fun starts when I work on my orders for my other candy for her Birthday and a few other things. So it's going to be a Candy Candy and more Candy week!

Love
Christiania

Football Season Blues

I HATE FOOTBALL SEASON!!! I mean really hate it. Football season is the one time of year where my I spend 90% of my time hiding in the bedroom watching TV or Netflix on my Computer so that my Husband and his buddies watch football on the big flat screen. The only time I bother to come out of the room is to get something to drink or a snack.

I don't understand the game and really don't want to. For me all football really is is a bunch of my running around on a field groping each-other. I really see no point. I do watch the Super Bowl but only the half time show, other then that I don't watch it. As of right now I'm sitting writing this while my Husband and Roommate watch football, I just happen to be in the living room of all places because unfortunately that is where my laptop is located at the present moment. I hate it but i really dont feel like lugging my computer into the bedroom right now.

Football season for some men is an excuse to not do a damn thing, you get the resounding sounds of  "Oh Honey, the game is on. Can I do it later?", or they don't pay attention to a word you are saying and you have to repeat things for umpteenth thousand time (Which I loath) till you get their attention, Or you can do what I do sometimes and unplug the TV.  I don't play game's in my house, if i ask for something to be done I expect it to be done now and not later (yes I'm that much of a Bitch). It bad when during football season I have to treat the men like they are children.

I cant wait till football season comes to an end, then I get some much needed peace and quite and my TV back before it all starts over again. For now it looks like I am stuck with the Football season blues.


Love
Christiania

The Past Few Days

So I know that I have not posted for the past few days so you are all going to get a double dose tonight. I've been trying to get my house ready for a friend who is visiting next week and its been a bit of a challenge due to the fact that if i even turn my back for 2 seconds my Daughter is into everything. I've also been keeping up on some reading, my husband just got me the book "The White Queen" and I love it so I'm really addicted to it. I've also been trying to get some of my Candy Bouquets put together for a few people and for a contest that I am going to do.

Things have been nut's which has put my stress level over 1000 out of 100. Someday's I feel like I'm going to go crazy!! Other days I want to punch someone in the face. Between trying to get the bills paid, doctors appointment's, school schedules, work schedule, studying for the HESI A2 and trying to take care of my daughter it's been hard.

The Past few day's I have managed to accomplish some of what I needed to get done. I've gotten the floor cleaned up and moved some boxes, got some boxes unpacked, got a few things organized and managed to get some other things that I normally don't get to work on. now it is times to sit back and relax. Got to finish up some cleaning that needs to be done i just have a few dishes that i need to wash. This is really all for the night! Good night people!


Love
Christiania

Misguided Concepts

I am a Christian. I have been for awhile. When some people find this out they automatically are shocked when I'm not what they though I would be. The problem lie in the fact that people hear the word CHRISTIAN and they automatically that we have to be all Goody two shoes. I hate to burst a few bubbles but I am beyond being a goody two shoes! Yes I'm a Christian and I Love the Lord with all my heart and soul and I thank him daily for the blessings he has given me and I have changed my lifestyle, but here's what really shocks people. Yes I still drink, I have a mouth that will put a sailor to shame, I still listen to explicit secular music, I don't make it to church all the time, I still love my R-rated movies, I am a complete Harry Potter Fan, and I am flawed in more ways then one. What I do does not affect my love of the Lord or my relationship and it doesn't make me a horrible person, It makes me human. I'm still a kind, loving, caring, giving, funny, helping, and loyal person. If you need something call me and I will help the best I can, If you need prayer I'm there. If you need anything you know where to find me or how to get in touch with me and I will move mountains to try and help.

Here's what people don't know: I read my Bible every morning, I pray every morning, I don't drink in excess, my mouth dose have a filter between the hours of 7:30am and 7:00pm when my daughter is awake (I do still slip on occasion), I like music and don't feel convicted when listening to explicit music, and I just don't care about what people think. I am an adult and I will make my choice's my way and If i feel like something is wrong I won't do it. It's not like I'm some neglectful parent who spend their nights out partying and getting drunk.

I will help anyone who ask me. I am the kindest person that you will ever meet and I care about my friends and family. If you ask any of my friends they will tell you. I love everyone.


Well Im going to go to bed!


Love
Christiania

Officially a NO DRAMA MAMMA!

I'm 26yrs old and have been out of High School since 2005. When I left High School I thought naively that people were to grown up to deal with drama, but oh how wrong I was! It seem like now that I'm an adult that the drama has only gotten worse. Between psycho ex friends, bitchy Grandmothers, and nosy people there is just so much drama. Honestly I thought that once we grew up that all this crap just stopped. Can someone please explain to me why we are not wearing our big kig undies?

I'm really to old to still be dealing with the same crap I had to deal with in High School. There are better more important things to do. I have a kid to raise and much rather spend all my energy on that then on some drama. So from this point on I am officially a No Drama Mamma!!  Keep all your drama to yourself and if you come to my house leave your drama at the door because I'm not going to listen to it. I have enough of my own crap to deal with without adding anyone else's on top of it.

Blog is kinda short today because I'm just not having a very good day. I feel like crap, and am running off of like 3 hours of sleep. I might have a new blog for you all laters. 

Love 

Christiania

CREEPY THINGS ARE GOING ON

So this past Saturday I went to my Grandmothers house for a visit, things were pretty normal. Me, Hubby, My Daughter and my Mother all swam in the pool and talked, watched my Daughter run around touching everything and terrorizing my Grandmothers pets, just your normal family visit. well it wasn't till later after we had all been swimming and eaten lunch and were just lying around the house that some pretty weird things started to happen.

***Side Note*** My Grandfather passed way in June 2011 when I was 3 1/2 months pregnant with my Daughter. ***

First Creepy Incident: Okay so shortly after swimming I still had some water in my ear so I went to get a q-tip to try and get the water out. Well my grandmother always keeps a jar of q-tips in her bathroom so that where i went to get them. I should point out that there is a short hallway in my Grandmothers room that has mirrored closets doors on the way to the bathroom. Well I got to the bathroom got my q-tips and ended up having to go potty so I sit down and as soon as I sit down I look down the hallway and in one of the mirrors I see a complete reflection of my Grandfather, I did a double take and it was gone. So I'm kinda freaked out at this point because my Grandfather has been dead for 2 years now. 

Second Creepy Incident: I in the laundry room in looking at the books that my Grandmother keeps in there when all of a sudden I literally felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I kinda brushed it off as a maybe I hit the shirt that was hanging on the back of the laundry room door the wrong way but then I wasnt even near it.

Third Creepy Incident: This happened when everyone was in the same room. My Grandmother and I were sitting at the dinning room table, my Daughter was eating a cooking, My mother was in the kitchen and My husband was beside me talking to me. Well all of a sudden the door to my Grandfathers den closed with a really loud bang. we looked for the animals thinking that one of them might have closed it but they were all on the lanai so it wasn't them. It was kind like my Grandpa was telling us to keep the door shut. He would always keep it closed unless he was in there. It was probably top 10 on my freaky moments list.

I think the next time I go to my Grandmothers house that Im going to do my own little ghost hunt to see If I can turn up anything. Even if its a little EVP telling me that he's okay I'll be happy with it.

Love
Christiania

The Dark Moment's

Till this day my life still has dark moment's.  Most of the time I feel like I wont be able to escape them. Someday's I really want to trow my hands up and say I'm done with everything and just walk away. But I love my life, I love my Daughter and I love my Husband. They are everything to me. It is when I have these "Dark Moment's" that I sit back and re-evaluate  everything and try to find the root cause of what is making me feel this way. I'm not afraid to admit that I have an on going battle with depression and that sometimes I just feel like crying and staying in bed all day but the reality is ... I can't! I have my baby girl to think about and to take care of.  I have been managing my depression on my own now without the aide of medication for about 8 years now and I think I'm doing pretty damn good. 

When ever I feel like I'm going to break down I talk to someone. I guess I am lucky enough to have a great support system to help me through my struggles, and Its amazing to know that if I need someone I know where to go. I realize that so many people out there don't have good support system's but the good news is that there is always help out there, just seek it. 

When I have my "Dark Moment's", I feel helpless, worthless, alone,  sad, out of place, disconnected, and like my world is caving in. I don't want to talk to people, all I wanna do is sit in a dark room with the shades drawn and the blankets over my head and cry till I cant cry anymore.  I try not to let my Depression keep me from being a normal person, but I don't ignore it. A person with Depression becomes very good at hiding how they feel, till it boils over and when it boils over there is no telling what might happen. When I would bottle things up, it would get to the point where it would just become so overwhelming that I would cut myself.  I don't ever let it get to that point anymore, it's been 8 years since I cut myself last. The scars on my arm are a constant reminder of how bad things can get if I don't talk to people about how I am feeling. 

Everyday people ask me how is it that I am able to manage my depression with out help of medication. My answer is "Writing, focusing my energy into doing the things that I love, channel how I'm feeling into art work or photography, talking to those around me about how I'm feeling, and lot's of prayer".  I wake up every morning and ask God to take away my bad thoughts and I tell him how I'm feeling. Someday's I have to get on my face and lay down in an act of surrender and just give everything over to him so that he may lift my burdens.  

I am a total Harry Potter fanatic and one of my favorite quotes is said by Albus Dumbledor in the "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" movie it is:

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."- Albus Dumbledore( Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban movie, screenplay by Steven Kloves )



It is one of those quotes that just reminds me no matter how bad I am feeling that there is always happiness that can be found. I'm glad that I always find it in my Daughter and in my family and friends.  To quote one of my first blog's : "It is in my darkest of moments that I turn to God and ask him to help me through it.  I know that with each struggle I face it makes me stronger for the next one that comes along and I know that with God walking by my side I will make it and that I will be okay."   






Love 
Christiania 

WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE NOW A DAYS!!

I'm seriously getting so tired of reading and hearing about people killing or harming or molesting or hurting a child in any way shape or form. It makes me want to vomit when I hear about a poor innocent child who has never done anything to anyone get hurt because some sicko want to get his jollys off! As a Mom it make's me beyond angry! It's a sad sad world we live in where you cant even let your child go outside and play anymore because some pedophile might just snatch them up or you can even leave your child with a baby sitter without having them go through an FBI style background check because you might just be leaving your child with some one that's going to knock them around while your gone. It's sad. You just cant let kids be kids anymore.

I remember growing up and running all over the neighborhood with my friends and my siblings. I remember taking my little brother and sister to the park buy myself when I was 11yrs old and letting them do their thing while I did mine. My parents were never worried as long as we checked in and were home before dinner and the street lights came on.  I used to walk home from school by myself after orchestra practice and then leave a note for my Mom (because the siblings were at the sitters) telling her that I would be home before dinner and I would leave the name of the friends house I was going to with a phone number. Hell I used to ride my bike to the Ice Cream store a few blocks down the road from my house by myself. I was all over the place. That was a kid growing up in the 90's for you.

Now a days you can let your kid even go out in the back yard without a freaking GPS tracking device stuck somewhere. Those fun family outing's where you would let your kid run a little bit ahead can be kissed goodbye! We no longer live in a world that is safe for Children. I live in constant fear that someone is going to take my child away from me forever, It is so bad that I actually memorize everything that my daughter is wearing before we go out. When we are at the store i scold my husband for not being by the cart when I have to turn away for even a second. when my daughter is in a shopping cart I always have some part of me touching her to make sure that she is still there. I get creeped out when a stranger even get near her, little old lady or not. I literally feel like that because my Daughter is now walking that I have to get child harness just to keep her close (You bet, I'm one of those Mom's)

Let's face it we live in a sick twisted fucked up world of perverts, serial killers, pedophiles, rapist, abusers, and just down right sick freaks.  I know that they have always been there but has not one person noticed that it seems to be getting worse? There are thousands upon thousands of stories out there about people killing children, yeah so what if it's not your child just think about it could be one day. Be thankful that it's not, but still keep in mind that still that one child was still someone else's child.

The horrible fact in all this is that it's not always men but women too! Sometimes its even the woman's own child! Nothing hurts more then reading about a mother who has killed her own child, most people right these women off  and say "Oh they had postpartum depression" what about the women that kill there 9yr old kid, do you think that's postpartum? I don't freaking think so! I remember reading about a Russian mother who threw her two boys off a balcony because they were getting on her nerves, On her nerves? REALLY? I will admit that more then once my Daughter has gotten on my nerves but that doesn't make me wanna walk up to the second story of my apartment building and toss her off the damn balcony!  If my daughter starts getting on my nerves then I quietly tell her Mommy is going to the bathroom and then I getup and walk into the bathroom and take a few minutes to myself.

What it all boils down to is this, we have to basically hover over our children because they are not safe in this world anymore. Keep your kids close. You can never wear out the words "I Love You", because you dont know if that will be the last time you tell them. Kiss and hug them often even when they are teenagers. Treasure the little things, for they are most precious.


Love
Christiania

Insomnia You Suck!!

I am a pure definition of what they call an insomniac. I always have a horrible time sleeping and spend most of my night tossing and turning and wanting to knock myself out. It's like when I go to bed my mind just doesn't want to stop, I blame this in part because of my ADHD. I wish that my brain had it's own on/off switch so at night when I lay down i just flip it off and pass right out, but that never going to happen so for now im just dealing with it.

I know that i can take sleeping pills that would help but I have the fear of taking them and then not waking up till past noon and I have a daughter to take care of so that's not going to work. I've tried drinking warm milk, sleepy time tea, and even taking shots of Nyquil to knock me out but just nothing works. When I finally do manage to sleep it usually not till about 3am when my husband is getting up and ready for work, so when the baby wake up bright and early at 7am I'm running off practically no sleep at all. I have started to have a really hot and steamy affair with my coffee pot in the mornings now, it not they way I would like things to be but hey it makes me somewhat functional. Thankfully all I have to do in the mornings after my daughter wakes up is, Change her diaper, give her cereal, giver her her sippy with milk, and put Disney Jr. and she is good to go. This way I can doze off on the couch a bit while she is distracted. Some mornings I take her into my room and she drinks her milk and watching Disney Jr. on my tv while Mommy catches up on some Z's, less trouble for her to get into and plus it offers some snuggle time with my Munchkin.

Soda has been my friend as well, I have a no Soda before 11am rule but lately with my insomnia so bad i have kinda thrown that rule out the window.  Soda just gives me that extra kick I don't get with my morning coffee. I literally praying that one day someone just drops an espresso machine on my door step, i could really use it right now.  I do have my good and bad days, I do actually get a full 8 hours sleep but that's only if I had a really busy day and then I pass right out. Right now I am kicking myself for taking a nap earlier today because now I really cant sleep. Right now where I am at its about 1am so I think i'm going to try and lay down. Talk you all later!


Love
Christiania

Loss

Today I lost a dear friend. It hurts. It's sad. This amazing woman that I lost was one of the best people I have ever know. She was old enough to be my Mother and was just like one to me. I am literally at a lost for words. This is new territory for me. I have lost a family member before but never a friend. Losing my friend is a bittersweet kinda thing, I'm glad she is no longer suffering and in pain but then I'm angry and upset because this one person that i had gotten so close to is no longer here. My friend was some I could go to talk to about anything with, it was nice to have the advice of someone with more life experince then me who could help guide me an advise me on what to do if my husband was driving me nuts or if my family was being their crazy selves.

I feel for her daughter. I feel for her Grandson's who only got to know her for a short time, I feel for her twin grandson's who will never truly know what an amazing woman of God she was, or how much she loved them, or how wise and caring she was. As I sit here typing this I reflect back on all the fun times we had and how much she taught me. She taught me how to cook better, she taught about keeping house, she taught me so much. I remember that she loved her cats with all her heart and soul, she used to take care of all the neighborhood cats that were in the area. I remember one time her cat had kittens and was not taking care of them properly so she and I would stay up and hand feed with syringe the kittens. I remember sitting on her back porch with her drinking a coke and just talking for hours about everything. I remember her cooking and the different things she would make. I remember her comforting me when I had my first miscarriage. So many memories of good times that were had and wont ever be forgotten. My one regret is that I didn't visit her after I moved away, things had gotten so hectic at work that I just never made the time.

Tonight is a sullen kinda night. It's been raining all day and it has crossed over into tonight, guess its fitting for the melancholy mood that I am in.Tonight there will be no sleep for me, because I will be reflecting on things and keeping memories of my friend close and etched always into my heart.

R.I.P A.H.F August 8,2013
Your family and friends will always find comfort in the fact that you are looking down upon us all from heaven and interceding on our behalf when we need it most. Tonight our thoughts are with with those you left behind. We love and miss you, you amazing woman of God! P.S If I find a penny I know it will be from you letting me know that your alright.


Love
Christiania 

Buying a New Car Hell

Hubby and I have been thinking about getting a new car, of course we are having the pain staking task of talking to car dealers which is something I utterly loath! I understand they work on commission but that doesnt mean that they have to be asshole's about everything. The point is we desperately need a new car, If I tell you what I want and how much I want the car payment to be, you should try your damndest to make sure you find what I need. It's not like you'r not going to get freaking paid.

Today My Husband and I went to the car dealership to look at a car, they were really nice enough to actually come pick us all up and take us to the dealership. Well Talk about a waste of my freaking time, we get all the way there and hull the baby out of the car, go  sit inside for 20 minutes all to find out that they need more freaking paper work before they can even sell us or even let us look at a car. Like is it really that hard to tell us over the phone that we needed all this paper work before you wasted my time? I know that the guy helping my husband and I really didn't like me because I can be really pushy. I told him exactly what I wanted and it was like he didn't even care, he just sat there talking to my husband. Like really? You Idiot, you do realize that my husband and I are both making the decision right? Not just my Husband.

So tonight I will be searching their website and other dealership websites, along with Kelly Blue Book to look at review's of cars and looking at the price points. I will find the perfect car within in my price range and for what my Hubby and I are willing to pay, even if i have to spend months doing so. Let's just pray that my current car holds out that long.

Just a few tips for a Car sales man:
1.) When your paycheck is based on a person actually buying a car, you better work your ass off to find what they are looking for because if you don't someone else will and be banking the money that you should of made.
2.) Do Not! Do Not! disregard the other Spouse/Partner, they may be the one's paying for the car or wearing the pants in the relationship.
3.) Do not make your potential paycheck wait all day, because they may just walk out.
4.) Make sure you have your paper work together before calling your customers down to the lot, we don't like our time to be wasted on crap that could of been said over the phone.
5.) watch what you say and how you say it, you might just end up getting the business a bad review online.
6.) Take heart to what I'm saying and you just might have a good paycheck.



Love
Christiania

The Concept Of Death

For a long time now I have been thinking about my own death, this actually is a scary concept for most of us. I am afraid to die, but more afraid of how it will happen. I hope that when I die it is in my bed at home right next to my husband who also has also died, I know that sounds a bit like the "The Notebook" and you would be right. When I was young I never even thought to much about death and the consequences that come along with it. When we die we leave so much behind, our family, our friends, our possessions, past dues bills, bank accounts, and a million other little things. No matter what we thought we have done to prepare we always leave some sort of mess behind. As a parent death scares the living daylights outta me, I worry about the what ifs more then anything. Im 26yrs old and am already thinking about my Will, I understand that accident's happen everyday and that there truly is "1000 Ways To Die".

Before I was a parent I really didn't care how i died or when I died, but Now that I am a Mommy I have Changed my perspective allot. I worry about who will look after my Daughter if something should happen to me and my Husband. I worry about how my Husband will look after my Daughter if I die or vice versa. I worry about if the people I have chosen to care for her in the event of my and my Husbands death are going to want my daughter or be able to take care of her. Unfortunately I know that death is eventually coming at some point but the point is when. Will I die in my sleep next to my Husband when Im 90 yrs old after having lived a full life, or will I die tomorrow in some freak accident. Honestly Im hoping for 90 yrs old even later if God will's it.

Death is one of those unavoidable things, no matter how hard you try eventually you will die and there is not a damn thing you or anyone can do about it. Yes Doctors can bring you back from the brink of death but one day you wont be so lucky. I know that once my time comes I will leave some sad people behind and I am truly sorry for it. Death has been around since time began and is a part of the way things are. We are just a small part of a never ending cycle of life and death.

If you look back through the ages you will most likely see that death is not exactly a new concept. It has been around since time in memoriam. There are hundred if not thousands of paintings depicting death, in wars, from famine, from execution, to thousands of other ways.

As Human's we find death a scary concept because it's unknown to us what happens when we move from this life into the next. Do we just end up in our dirt covered graves as life less shells? Does are soul really pass on from this life to the next? Do we transcend to some higher plane of existence? There are just so many unanswered question's that go unanswered until we die. I guess we wont know what really happens until we actually die and even then its not like we can come back and tell people what happens. Yes there are instances of people coming back from the brink death and saying that they have seen some amazing things but I believe that everyone see something different. What do you think you will see when you pass on?


Love
Christiania

My One and Only Child

So since I've had my Daughter I have gotten allot of crap from people about the fact that I only have one child and the fact that she may be my only one. I wish that I could count on one hand how many times people have told me that I am ruining my child's life because I don't plan on having  anymore children. It literally drives me insane. I have heard: "Your child's never going to make friend's!", "Your going to spoil her!", "You don't want her to be lonely, do you?".. and many many more!

There is actually a huge list of "Only Child Myths" you can find them at: http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/158837/11_myths_about_only_children. 

It really urk's me that people would think that I am ruining my child's life by making the choice to not have anymore kids, I mean really, who do you think you are? Having just one child was a choice that me and my Husband made together. One of the myth's that get's me the most is that my child is going to be lonely, My Child is not lonely, she has friends. My Child is not spoiled, we dont have much. My Daughter never has everything that she wants, but she has what she needs.

After reading several articles online I have come to the realization that no matter how many people tell me that I am ruining my Child's life because I have made the choice to no have any more kids, I have studies that prove that my Daughters life is not going to be one big mess. With the way this economy is right now, it's just not practical and we cant afford it. The cost of Raising a child has sadly gone up since the time my Grandparents were raising their kids. It now cost around $300,00 just to raise a kid till their 18yrs old, that's not including added medical expense in case something should happen. I'm in no way complaining, I love my Daughter more then anything in this world and I would have her all over again if i had the chance. My Husband works 10 hours a day 40 hours a week making $10.00 an hour and me well I stay at home with the baby, but we get by, We do have a roommate who helps with bill's (Most people would say we are nuts but he is our best friend and My daughter's Godfather), but our roommate is getting Social Security and going to school and even with him around we still struggle. I have talked to more and more people, and have found that 8 out of 10 of them have someone living with them to help with the bills. Example, My Husband works in  a big call center and at-least half of 300+ people that work their live with each other. So They way I see thing's is that it would be wrong for me to bring a second child into this world and make them suffer because we could never fully provide for them. I am like every Mother should be, My child Eats before I do, My Child has everything she need's before I do, My Child Always has her clothes washed before me, etc. My Child ALWAYS comes first. I will admit that there were nights when I would not eat because I could not bear to eat another freaking cup of Ramen Noodles, but when it came to my Daughter's dinner she would either eat eggs (Girl loves her eggs), a tuna sandwich with carrot sticks and juice or what ever she was craving that night. I may eat like crap, but I'm sure as hell not going to let my daughter eat crap.

What it all boil's down to I guess is that I  will be keeping my Daughter an only child. No Babies here, unless it's a puppy.


Love
Christiania

WISHING FOR GODZILLA

So for the past week...okay more like since we moved into our apartment, our up stairs neighbors have been banging things around and stomping around and just making so much noise. For the past 3 nights the have made the choice to start building something, which normally would be fine IF they hadn't decided to start building at 10:30PM and 1AM in the morning! I was literally laying on the couch Thursday night listening to them making some sort of sawing noise. They were so loud they woke up my Daughter, I was pissed!

Things were made even worse by the fact that the place they were making all the noise at was right over my Daughter's bed room. I was half tempted to march upstairs bang on their door an demand that they stop at once, but if i would of done that I don't think that.. scratch that... I KNOW that I would not of been nice about it. Getting my Daughter back to sleep was a total nightmare, I tried everything. I put her in the bed with me and my husband which caused a fight because he didn't understand what was going on, till he actually tried to sleep on the couch and the noise kept him up. I tried sitting in the living room in the dark and rocking her and that didn't work...I could go on and on but it's just not worth it.  I finally just let her stay up until they stopped making the noise which was an hour later!

I am so going to complain to our office manager because this let's make a crap ton of noise at 11 O'clock at night is a load of Bull! I swear if they wake my daughter up again, they are going to wish that Godzilla was knocking on their door, because they will get chewed out! I have a strict rule in my house: YOU WAKE THE KID UP AND YOU CAN PUT HER BACK TO SLEEP!  I am not going let my child suffer because some in considerate jerk wants to make noise all night. The sad fact is, they know that we have a kid because they have seen me outside with her, so you would think that they would be a bit more considerate about the noise especially at night. Anyways there isnt much that can be done for now except complain to the front office. Well ta ta for now folks!

Love
Christiania

A Note From Ariel

Okay so I am apart of this great group on Facebook called "Blender", essentialy it is an a group of Women who have come together to share Idea's, frustrations, advice, good news, Random thoughts, etc. Well recently there was a post from one of my friends Ariel and it was just to good not to share with you all.

A Note From Ariel:
"Essentially I lost faith in the American bootstraps capitalistic ethic of throwing your life into working and churning out cash and having your soul sucked out. I realized that I deserved a break. Ive been on a treadmill my whole life and I am exhausted. I admitted to myself that I'm allowed to mess up, and that this was my designated "I'm a fuck up" year. 

I realized after weeks of contemplation that Hard work and sweating and toiling just to be able to eat is not a virtue like the Puritans want you to think. Hardship doesn't make you a more godly, evolved person. Only someone from a place of privilege can say that. It just mostly makes you tired and disillusioned. Republicans aren't better than me because they never took welfare or took a day off in their lives, or because my mom was on WIC to feed me as a baby and their mom wasnt. fucking congratuIations. gold star. i am a fragile person and I admit to it. I need help sometimes. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of my illness but I am of what it reduces me to. People think they're better than me because they suffered needlessly, never took help from the government, never had to beg for money or sleep on someone's couch, never been fired from a job bc they're just such go-getters gosh golly gee. People like that I needed out of my life. Being human is ducking hard and gross and complicated as it is and if you're going to tell me that I don't deserve food or healthcare or equal rights because you think I'm too lazy or unambitious or not enough whatever then you can just get bent. Attach your moral criticisms elsewhere. 

Maybe my life doesn't revolve around being a cog in the Amurrican corporate machine. I AM lazy. I like sleeping in, and I do deserve food, clothes, basic bodily protection, stability, warmth and kindness without having to prove myself. 

I'm not going to apologize to people for self-care anymore. I don't care if you think I should have bought food instead of getting a manicure-pedicure. I don't care if you think I'm milking the government. I am. It milks me and I milk it right back. I was given no choice over being born, being hunan is terrifying and dark and confusing, so yes I'm entitled to basic things such as food and clean air, water, clothes, bodily hygiene, good schools and roads and hospitals and police. It's the least that can be done to make up for being alive."

That's all I have for you guy's tonight. Feel free to comment.

Love
Christiania

Paranormal Pop-Tarts

Okay so I am a firm believer in the paranormal and have been for long time. It all started when My family used to live in this 100year old house that was hand built but this little old ladies Grandfather in the early 1900's. Well as one can assume plenty of people died in the house. Well there was this spirit that used to haunt the whole house, he would open up doors and walk up the attic stairs and stand hand out in the basement play room. We realized that the house was haunted when one day we were sitting on in the living room and the attic door swung wide open. Mind you the attic door had a lock on it that was always locked so the kids would not go up into the attic. We used to find windows open and chairs moved and things in places where they should not be. Most people would think that living in a haunted house would be scary and I'll admit that it can be, but this one experience was not.

When I was about 13 My Mom, siblings and me moved to the town of Decatur, Illinois and from what research I have done I have found out that downtown section was actually built on a an Indian burial ground. Well we lived in this two story 4 bedroom house with some amazing and long walk in closets. Well we started to realize that something was up when one morning I was making Pop Tarts for breakfast and while me and my Mom were standing there the toaster slid down the counter. After that incident more and more creepy stuff started to happen. On more then one occasion my closet door would open and every time I went into the closet I felt like something was watching me. Well I did some research on the house and had found out that a man was murdered in that house and his body was wrapped in plastic and drug to the back of what was my closet for 3 days before he was found. Kinda explains a lot doesn't it.

I have done a lot of research in my years about the paranormal and I understand that many people don't believe in it. I guess it is one of those “You gotta see it to believe it” things. A person won't truly know what to believe until they have witnessed the Paranormal. I have had many experience's with the Paranormal in my current lifetime, the above are only a few. Just a side note “Ghost Adventures” is one of my ultimate favorite shows. I love that they don't have a big camera crew following them and that they actually collect evidence. No offense to other Paranormal shows, I love all paranormal shows. Well I'm out!!

Love

Christiania

Night Terrors, Night lights and Knights in Shinning Armor

For the past year and a half my Daughter has had the worst “night terrors”. She wakes up screaming bloody murder, dripping with sweat and shaking. The first time it happened I did what any new Mother does, I freaked the hell out. As soon as I heard her crying I jumped out of my bed and ran across the hall to her room, and picked her up and cuddled her. She did this for three nights in a row, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was going on until a friend of mine and my Daughter's Doctor explained it. I didn't even know she was old enough to start dreaming (I don't know at what age babies and kids start dreaming) and I didn't know it was going to be an ongoing thing at the time. Now my Daughter is 19months old and we are still having to deal with night terrors. I can honestly say that “Night Terror” incidents have dwindled considerably since we have moved from our house into an apartment.

I have found that the easiest way to help with the “Night Terrors” is a night light, not only does it help you not fall over the toys strewn about your child's room it's almost calming. My Daughter love's her night light and has more then once tried to use it as a toy to play with. It's wasn't until my Husband and I had been dealing with “Night Terror's” for about six months did we finally have the bright idea to get the night light. The one thing I find funny is that my Daughter is not (unlike most kids) dependent on the night light, she can sleep without it just fine and without incident. My husband and found out about or Daughter's non dependence with the night light shortly after we had moved into our apartment and had lost her night light amongst the boxes (Most of which are still piled up in the corner of the apartment still unpacked) and our Daughter was forced to sleep without the light for about a week, she had no night terrors during that whole week. Is was actually amazing.

So I have one of the greatest Knight's in shinning armor living with me and his name is Z. Z is my Daughter's Godfather and was there when she was born, he has turned out to be her Knight in Shinning Armor on more then a few occasion's. He has gotten up with her when she has had a night terror and has picked her up when she has fallen etc. My daughter has a routine for waking Z up in the morning, she knocks on his door and then runs her toy train into his door. My Husband is also my daughters Knight in Shinning Armor, as any little girls Daddy should be, although my Husband is gone for most of the day because he has to work, he still find's time to rescue the princess when he get's home. I literally cant wait for the day when my Daughter starts playing Tea party and dress up, because I can guarantee you that the men in my house are going to have some serious fun with that one. I foresee...pink tutu's and pinkie's in the air in the not to distant future. 

I KNEW "THEY" WERE TROUBLE

Lately I've been reflecting back on the mistakes that I've made in my life especially in when it comes to the men. I have dated quite a few guys in my day but there are a few of them that have made quite a lasting impression on me. Needless to say that they are all mindless jerks and I now understand why they are EX's.

Lets start with my first Boyfriend ever.
1.)  Justin. I was about 14 when I dated him. I fell head over heals for him. I was introduced to him by a friend of my Mothers  his name was Tony. I was staying the night at Tony's house with his wife Shannon and Justin had just stopped by to see Tony. Well when i first met him, I though he was cute. Well I told Tony and he told Justin and that night we started dating. I should of know right off the bat that the was going to be trouble when we started making out the first night we started dating. About a week later we went on our first and only date. He took me to dinner at the placed that he worked at as a Dishwasher. I was super sick that night and almost didnt go. He had the all you can eat Walleyed pike and I had the chicken soup, and then he took me to the movies and we saw some weird Alien movie where they had to use dandruff shampoo to slay the giant Alien. Well That night he broke up with me because he said we were moving to fast... Well Duh! Making out on the first night we were together and we barely knew each other.. spells disaster. Well anyhow we got back together about a week later when we talked things over. Things were good for a few weeks and then they all fell apart when he cheated on me with my best friend. He cheated on me ALOT! He date another friend of mine named Carrie and that did not make me happy at all. Well things finally came to a head one day about a few weeks after we had gotten back together for like the 5th freaking time. I remember it well. My Mom had gotten married like two weeks before hand and Justin's Dad had gone into the hospital and Justin had gone to stay with a cousin. I hadn't seen him in a few days, when one of my Mom's friends had seen him cheating on me. Well my Mom's friend told me about it and Given Justin's past history of cheating, I believed it, So that night he called me and I asked him out right "So Justin how's your other Girlfriend doing?". Naturally being the lying jerk that he was he denied it and we got into a huge fight and broke up for the last time. I took a glass bear that he had given me, walked outside and smashed it to pieces on the sidewalk. I saw him after that but the feelings I had for him were gone, I couldn't trust him.

2.)
Brian. Brian and I had a very interesting relationship because we never really talked anywhere but on the phone and on the internet. I actually met him online in a chat room. Yes you read that right.. in a chat room. I knew he was my age because we had talked via webcam several times. We would talk on the phone almost every night. He was in South Carolina and I was in California. It was nice being with some one without the physical aspect of it all. It was all really good we were really good friends for years even after we broke up. Things kinda boiled over in 2008 when I told him that I was not going to come visit him because my Boyfriend at the time was not comfortable with me going. He vanished after that, I have not heard from him in a long time. I found out later that he was hoping to "Get Lucky" when I came to visit.

3.)
JR. I really never dated JR we kinda had a weird thing.. we were seeing each other but then we weren't at the same time. JR was 26 when I was 18 and he was really really cute! I crushed on him and hard. The point of the matter is is that I wanted this man. It was weird because I even told him that i like him and he knew it. One night I decided to take matters into my own hands and I kissed him.The thing about JR is that he was extremely good at playing head games. He would tell me that he it couldn't work because I was so young and he wouldn't be able to take me out to bars or clubs because i was under 21 and then 2 nights later he would change his tune. One night He and I had a talk. He told me that he didn't want to be with me and that there was no way that it was going to work, so I said okay and accepted my defeat and the fact that this man didn't want me. Well the night before my 19th birthday, My mom, her friend H. and I were drinking. Well I was rubbing H.'s back and had had a few to many shots of Tequila and well you can guess what happened. Well my mom walked in on me and H. and was pissed. My Mother not thinking told JR's friend who was also our friend and in turn JR's friend told him. Well the night of my 19th birthday, JR came over and basically screamed at me because I had slept with some one else. All I could keep thinking was "Why are you so pissed off? You were the one who told me that you didn't want to be with me because I was to young for you." He told me that night that he never wanted to speak to me again and that I was to have no contact with him what so ever until he talked to me first and that was the end of that. His head games should of been my first clue. My second clue should of been something he told one of my Mother's dim witted boyfriends one time, which I will not repeat here.

4.)
Jason. The egotistical, sex obsessed, gambling addicted, CONTROL FREAK! Jason dated for so little a time that I actually forgot his last name. I met Jason when I was working at Cracker Barrel in Fort Myers, FL. Jason was a customer and he was really cute. Well the first time I met him I was checking him out at the counter. Well I thought it would be a good Idea to leave my Number on the back of the receipt. Well when he went to walk out without it I stopped him and told him that all customer that pay with credit card need to take their receipts, well he bought it. I Guess he must have noticed my number on the back and said something to one of his friends because he called the Store and asked for my number again because one of his friends had accidentally ripped the receipt. I gave him my number and later that week he called me and went on our first date. We went to the movies and didn't even watch the movie, we spent most of the time making out. Anyways at this time I only had a prepaid phone because it was really all that i could afford at the time, well frequently i would run out of minutes and He would not be able to get a-hold of me and this would make him upset. Well we had been dating about two weeks when Valentines day came round. As a Valentines Day gift Jason actually bought me a Cell phone. Of course I knew at the time that this phone that his name was on the bill for was so that he could get ahold of me when he wanted. Anyways I found out that he had one of the dirtiest minds ever, Jason was always asking me if I wanted to try this new sexual position or this new sexual trick and most of them were just things that i was not comfortable with. We started to fight alot and he would get upset if I didn't answer my phone or if he could not reach me. Finally I just broke it off because it was getting to much. He basically thought that he was King shit. I'm not going to lie the sex was good but that's about it.

And last but not least #5)

I'm going to call him H. You will remember H. from guy number 3, He was the one I slept with when I was kinda seeing JR. Well we ended up dating some time after I had gotten ride of Jason's dumb ass. This relationship was toxic from the start. We started out just sleeping in the same bed because I had gotten tired of sleeping on the floor at my Step-dad's. Well we eventually started literally sleeping together and things were going really really good. Well then the drugs started and he started to change. He told me once that I didn't know what love was and in all actuality I did. I can honestly say that I did love him and I fell for him hard, I think that the was the reason that I stayed, even after he sold my Laptop for drugs. I felt like I could help him get through the drug addiction (I suspect that he sold my a camera of mine as well for drugs but that i will never know). We started fighting alot after I started spending alot of time over at his place and eventually moved in. He started using drugs more and things got worse. We spent more time screaming at each other then talking. I finally left. I tried to mend things when he moved back into my step-dad's, but to no avail. I ended up having a psychotic breakdown because things were so bad and he was seeing other women and I just couldn't take it because I did still love him. Finally I went away. I have not seen him since.


In conclusion, I knew that all these guys were all trouble when I first met all of them. All of them had fatal flaws that I chose to ignore when entering into some sort of relationship with them. I'm not saying that I dont have blame for the way some of them turned out because I did. The point is that these guys have left some sort of impression on me and have affected the relationships that I have had after them. I knew that they would all hurt me in some way shape or form. I loved a few of them, more then I think they loved me if they loved me at all.

Things are better in my life now, I have an amazing Husband who care's for me and treat's me like I'm a princess and even though he drives me f-ing crazy ALLOT and we both get on each others nerves, we work things out and we still love each other. Well that's all for now folks!

Love
Christiania

I’m Fat and I’m Fabulous

My name is Christiania and I'm 26 years old. I wear anything from  size 22W - 26W. I am currently a stay at home Mom and Wife. For years I would beat myself up for not being one if the "Pretty" Skinny girls, like the one's in magazines and on TV or walking about on the beach with bikini's on. I've learned to look at things in two different ways.. Don't like it, then don't look and I'm me. Love it or Shove it!

For most of my life (like other overweight women), I have been pressed up by other because of my size. Yes people I realize that I am overweight, but that does not give you the right to judge me. The point is.. that you don't know my lifestyle. People see us "overweight" people and the automatically assume 1) Oh they eat all the time that's why they are fat. 2) They must be lazy. 3) Wow they eat alot of fast foo. 4) They must be really unhappy.... any there are many many more a can assure you.

To address number four from the above paragraph:

   Just because I am FAT does not mean that I am unhappy in anyway. I am perfectly happy, with who I am and the way I look. I don't over eat, in fact I eat a very decent healthy meal. To quote a another Blog that i read earlier tonight (http://www.jenniferpwilliams.com/2010/10/dear-marie-claire-im-fat-and-im.html)

"The size of my body has NEVER affected the amount of happiness in my life.  It has never affected the way my husband feels about me. I know that may be hard for some people to believe, but regardless of size my husband has always found me sexy.  For real.

It has never affected the number or quality of friends in my life. I have lots of them, and they all love me in spite of the fact that I’m morbidly obese.  As a matter of fact I believe that if you asked them to describe me the size of my body would be the last thing that came into their minds.  Lucky me that they care more about the size of heart than the size of my ass."

I think she said it right. Being fat does not make me any different from anyone else.. it just means that there is more of me too love. Yes in all honesty I would like to lose a few pounds but that's for ME and not anyone else!  I will also admit that yes I do feel awful going into stores like "American Eagle" and not being able to buy anything but jewelry because I can't fit into any of the clothes, but in the end I'm kinda glad because I'm too cheap to spend $50 on a freaking t-shirt. 

What it all really boils down to is this..If I am truly happy with myself then why in the hell should I really give a crap about what other people think about me? The answer is.. I don't give a crap about what people think about me. I'M FAT AND I'M FABULOUS AND LOVING IT!!! 

Love me or hate me. I am what I am!

Christiania 

Skinny Girls Are For Wimps and Big is Drop Dead Gorgeous

Okay so I am not going to lie... I am under no false impression's that I am skinny. I am a hefty size woman and I am proud of it!  I read everyday about Doctors going on and on about how us heavy sized people need to go on diets and how we need to try this new "Skinny making" drink and I honestly want to puke.

As a human I understand the importance of being healthy and I try my damnedest to do be so, but I'm also happy with the way my body looks. I feel good in my own skin and that's really all that matters. I eat healthy enough (though I will admit I do have a bad caffeine addiction and soda is my heroin), but I am not about to turn myself into one of those, Half a Grapefruit, 1/2 cups of almonds, and 1 glass of soy milk kinda girl.

When I was in Junior High School I was "The Fat Girl". Everyone made fun of me for my weight and it killed me every day, When I went to High School I still got made fun of but I learned to stick up for myself and not let any of their crap bother me. My weight never bothered my friends (or atleast they never said anything). I was at one time a size 16w, but I blame that not on my own hard work but on the fact that I was on a Crap ton of Medicine. The Point is that even though now I'm a Size 22W, I feel great! So what if I'm not skinny enough to wear a bikini or wear short shorts, I love my self and who I am and if anyone else doesn't like it well then don't look.

Society places so much pressure on young girls today to be some model of perfection, with a skinny waist and big boobs and whats worse is that we don't even realize the damage we are causing. We are setting up unrealistic goals that we know that some of them will never be able to achieve. As a mother I want my daughter to be happy about they way she looks and to feel good about it, whither she be skinny like her Father or heavy set with a little junk in the trunk like me. I don't want to see the day where my Daughter comes home crying because someone made fun of her because of the way she looks, I want her to come home and say to me "Mom, someone made fun of me today because I look different and I told them where they could shove it".

You should love yourself the way God made you and be happy about it. God made you perfect even if you are a "Big Beautiful Woman" like me. You were made in HIS image and not anyone else's, you should not change anything about yourself just because you feel the need to because people tell you, that you should.

Here's an example.. My sister is pretty and skinny, she can literally eat anything she wants and not gain a single pound. For years my Grandmother along with several others in my family have been telling me that I  need to lose weight, well every time they say something about my weight it just irks me. I really think that it bothers them that im not skinny like my sister. The way I look at things are like this.. My Husband loves me for my personality and not the way I look, my friends dont mind how I look they too like me for my personality... So why in the Hell would I want to change myself to make anyone else happy but myself?

Today I read an article about a guy who created a Barbie doll using 3D technology that was averaged sized, ( Here is the link: http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/157860/artist_creates_barbie_with_averagesize#commentBox ) and when I looked at this Barbie doll I was like WOW!!  I literally think the average Barbie looks better then the Old one. You can judge for yourself.. Im going to leave it here and call it night.


Love
Christiania M. N.