My One and Only Child

So since I've had my Daughter I have gotten allot of crap from people about the fact that I only have one child and the fact that she may be my only one. I wish that I could count on one hand how many times people have told me that I am ruining my child's life because I don't plan on having  anymore children. It literally drives me insane. I have heard: "Your child's never going to make friend's!", "Your going to spoil her!", "You don't want her to be lonely, do you?".. and many many more!

There is actually a huge list of "Only Child Myths" you can find them at: http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/158837/11_myths_about_only_children. 

It really urk's me that people would think that I am ruining my child's life by making the choice to not have anymore kids, I mean really, who do you think you are? Having just one child was a choice that me and my Husband made together. One of the myth's that get's me the most is that my child is going to be lonely, My Child is not lonely, she has friends. My Child is not spoiled, we dont have much. My Daughter never has everything that she wants, but she has what she needs.

After reading several articles online I have come to the realization that no matter how many people tell me that I am ruining my Child's life because I have made the choice to no have any more kids, I have studies that prove that my Daughters life is not going to be one big mess. With the way this economy is right now, it's just not practical and we cant afford it. The cost of Raising a child has sadly gone up since the time my Grandparents were raising their kids. It now cost around $300,00 just to raise a kid till their 18yrs old, that's not including added medical expense in case something should happen. I'm in no way complaining, I love my Daughter more then anything in this world and I would have her all over again if i had the chance. My Husband works 10 hours a day 40 hours a week making $10.00 an hour and me well I stay at home with the baby, but we get by, We do have a roommate who helps with bill's (Most people would say we are nuts but he is our best friend and My daughter's Godfather), but our roommate is getting Social Security and going to school and even with him around we still struggle. I have talked to more and more people, and have found that 8 out of 10 of them have someone living with them to help with the bills. Example, My Husband works in  a big call center and at-least half of 300+ people that work their live with each other. So They way I see thing's is that it would be wrong for me to bring a second child into this world and make them suffer because we could never fully provide for them. I am like every Mother should be, My child Eats before I do, My Child has everything she need's before I do, My Child Always has her clothes washed before me, etc. My Child ALWAYS comes first. I will admit that there were nights when I would not eat because I could not bear to eat another freaking cup of Ramen Noodles, but when it came to my Daughter's dinner she would either eat eggs (Girl loves her eggs), a tuna sandwich with carrot sticks and juice or what ever she was craving that night. I may eat like crap, but I'm sure as hell not going to let my daughter eat crap.

What it all boil's down to I guess is that I  will be keeping my Daughter an only child. No Babies here, unless it's a puppy.


Love
Christiania

WISHING FOR GODZILLA

So for the past week...okay more like since we moved into our apartment, our up stairs neighbors have been banging things around and stomping around and just making so much noise. For the past 3 nights the have made the choice to start building something, which normally would be fine IF they hadn't decided to start building at 10:30PM and 1AM in the morning! I was literally laying on the couch Thursday night listening to them making some sort of sawing noise. They were so loud they woke up my Daughter, I was pissed!

Things were made even worse by the fact that the place they were making all the noise at was right over my Daughter's bed room. I was half tempted to march upstairs bang on their door an demand that they stop at once, but if i would of done that I don't think that.. scratch that... I KNOW that I would not of been nice about it. Getting my Daughter back to sleep was a total nightmare, I tried everything. I put her in the bed with me and my husband which caused a fight because he didn't understand what was going on, till he actually tried to sleep on the couch and the noise kept him up. I tried sitting in the living room in the dark and rocking her and that didn't work...I could go on and on but it's just not worth it.  I finally just let her stay up until they stopped making the noise which was an hour later!

I am so going to complain to our office manager because this let's make a crap ton of noise at 11 O'clock at night is a load of Bull! I swear if they wake my daughter up again, they are going to wish that Godzilla was knocking on their door, because they will get chewed out! I have a strict rule in my house: YOU WAKE THE KID UP AND YOU CAN PUT HER BACK TO SLEEP!  I am not going let my child suffer because some in considerate jerk wants to make noise all night. The sad fact is, they know that we have a kid because they have seen me outside with her, so you would think that they would be a bit more considerate about the noise especially at night. Anyways there isnt much that can be done for now except complain to the front office. Well ta ta for now folks!

Love
Christiania

A Note From Ariel

Okay so I am apart of this great group on Facebook called "Blender", essentialy it is an a group of Women who have come together to share Idea's, frustrations, advice, good news, Random thoughts, etc. Well recently there was a post from one of my friends Ariel and it was just to good not to share with you all.

A Note From Ariel:
"Essentially I lost faith in the American bootstraps capitalistic ethic of throwing your life into working and churning out cash and having your soul sucked out. I realized that I deserved a break. Ive been on a treadmill my whole life and I am exhausted. I admitted to myself that I'm allowed to mess up, and that this was my designated "I'm a fuck up" year. 

I realized after weeks of contemplation that Hard work and sweating and toiling just to be able to eat is not a virtue like the Puritans want you to think. Hardship doesn't make you a more godly, evolved person. Only someone from a place of privilege can say that. It just mostly makes you tired and disillusioned. Republicans aren't better than me because they never took welfare or took a day off in their lives, or because my mom was on WIC to feed me as a baby and their mom wasnt. fucking congratuIations. gold star. i am a fragile person and I admit to it. I need help sometimes. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of my illness but I am of what it reduces me to. People think they're better than me because they suffered needlessly, never took help from the government, never had to beg for money or sleep on someone's couch, never been fired from a job bc they're just such go-getters gosh golly gee. People like that I needed out of my life. Being human is ducking hard and gross and complicated as it is and if you're going to tell me that I don't deserve food or healthcare or equal rights because you think I'm too lazy or unambitious or not enough whatever then you can just get bent. Attach your moral criticisms elsewhere. 

Maybe my life doesn't revolve around being a cog in the Amurrican corporate machine. I AM lazy. I like sleeping in, and I do deserve food, clothes, basic bodily protection, stability, warmth and kindness without having to prove myself. 

I'm not going to apologize to people for self-care anymore. I don't care if you think I should have bought food instead of getting a manicure-pedicure. I don't care if you think I'm milking the government. I am. It milks me and I milk it right back. I was given no choice over being born, being hunan is terrifying and dark and confusing, so yes I'm entitled to basic things such as food and clean air, water, clothes, bodily hygiene, good schools and roads and hospitals and police. It's the least that can be done to make up for being alive."

That's all I have for you guy's tonight. Feel free to comment.

Love
Christiania

Paranormal Pop-Tarts

Okay so I am a firm believer in the paranormal and have been for long time. It all started when My family used to live in this 100year old house that was hand built but this little old ladies Grandfather in the early 1900's. Well as one can assume plenty of people died in the house. Well there was this spirit that used to haunt the whole house, he would open up doors and walk up the attic stairs and stand hand out in the basement play room. We realized that the house was haunted when one day we were sitting on in the living room and the attic door swung wide open. Mind you the attic door had a lock on it that was always locked so the kids would not go up into the attic. We used to find windows open and chairs moved and things in places where they should not be. Most people would think that living in a haunted house would be scary and I'll admit that it can be, but this one experience was not.

When I was about 13 My Mom, siblings and me moved to the town of Decatur, Illinois and from what research I have done I have found out that downtown section was actually built on a an Indian burial ground. Well we lived in this two story 4 bedroom house with some amazing and long walk in closets. Well we started to realize that something was up when one morning I was making Pop Tarts for breakfast and while me and my Mom were standing there the toaster slid down the counter. After that incident more and more creepy stuff started to happen. On more then one occasion my closet door would open and every time I went into the closet I felt like something was watching me. Well I did some research on the house and had found out that a man was murdered in that house and his body was wrapped in plastic and drug to the back of what was my closet for 3 days before he was found. Kinda explains a lot doesn't it.

I have done a lot of research in my years about the paranormal and I understand that many people don't believe in it. I guess it is one of those “You gotta see it to believe it” things. A person won't truly know what to believe until they have witnessed the Paranormal. I have had many experience's with the Paranormal in my current lifetime, the above are only a few. Just a side note “Ghost Adventures” is one of my ultimate favorite shows. I love that they don't have a big camera crew following them and that they actually collect evidence. No offense to other Paranormal shows, I love all paranormal shows. Well I'm out!!

Love

Christiania

Night Terrors, Night lights and Knights in Shinning Armor

For the past year and a half my Daughter has had the worst “night terrors”. She wakes up screaming bloody murder, dripping with sweat and shaking. The first time it happened I did what any new Mother does, I freaked the hell out. As soon as I heard her crying I jumped out of my bed and ran across the hall to her room, and picked her up and cuddled her. She did this for three nights in a row, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was going on until a friend of mine and my Daughter's Doctor explained it. I didn't even know she was old enough to start dreaming (I don't know at what age babies and kids start dreaming) and I didn't know it was going to be an ongoing thing at the time. Now my Daughter is 19months old and we are still having to deal with night terrors. I can honestly say that “Night Terror” incidents have dwindled considerably since we have moved from our house into an apartment.

I have found that the easiest way to help with the “Night Terrors” is a night light, not only does it help you not fall over the toys strewn about your child's room it's almost calming. My Daughter love's her night light and has more then once tried to use it as a toy to play with. It's wasn't until my Husband and I had been dealing with “Night Terror's” for about six months did we finally have the bright idea to get the night light. The one thing I find funny is that my Daughter is not (unlike most kids) dependent on the night light, she can sleep without it just fine and without incident. My husband and found out about or Daughter's non dependence with the night light shortly after we had moved into our apartment and had lost her night light amongst the boxes (Most of which are still piled up in the corner of the apartment still unpacked) and our Daughter was forced to sleep without the light for about a week, she had no night terrors during that whole week. Is was actually amazing.

So I have one of the greatest Knight's in shinning armor living with me and his name is Z. Z is my Daughter's Godfather and was there when she was born, he has turned out to be her Knight in Shinning Armor on more then a few occasion's. He has gotten up with her when she has had a night terror and has picked her up when she has fallen etc. My daughter has a routine for waking Z up in the morning, she knocks on his door and then runs her toy train into his door. My Husband is also my daughters Knight in Shinning Armor, as any little girls Daddy should be, although my Husband is gone for most of the day because he has to work, he still find's time to rescue the princess when he get's home. I literally cant wait for the day when my Daughter starts playing Tea party and dress up, because I can guarantee you that the men in my house are going to have some serious fun with that one. I foresee...pink tutu's and pinkie's in the air in the not to distant future. 

I KNEW "THEY" WERE TROUBLE

Lately I've been reflecting back on the mistakes that I've made in my life especially in when it comes to the men. I have dated quite a few guys in my day but there are a few of them that have made quite a lasting impression on me. Needless to say that they are all mindless jerks and I now understand why they are EX's.

Lets start with my first Boyfriend ever.
1.)  Justin. I was about 14 when I dated him. I fell head over heals for him. I was introduced to him by a friend of my Mothers  his name was Tony. I was staying the night at Tony's house with his wife Shannon and Justin had just stopped by to see Tony. Well when i first met him, I though he was cute. Well I told Tony and he told Justin and that night we started dating. I should of know right off the bat that the was going to be trouble when we started making out the first night we started dating. About a week later we went on our first and only date. He took me to dinner at the placed that he worked at as a Dishwasher. I was super sick that night and almost didnt go. He had the all you can eat Walleyed pike and I had the chicken soup, and then he took me to the movies and we saw some weird Alien movie where they had to use dandruff shampoo to slay the giant Alien. Well That night he broke up with me because he said we were moving to fast... Well Duh! Making out on the first night we were together and we barely knew each other.. spells disaster. Well anyhow we got back together about a week later when we talked things over. Things were good for a few weeks and then they all fell apart when he cheated on me with my best friend. He cheated on me ALOT! He date another friend of mine named Carrie and that did not make me happy at all. Well things finally came to a head one day about a few weeks after we had gotten back together for like the 5th freaking time. I remember it well. My Mom had gotten married like two weeks before hand and Justin's Dad had gone into the hospital and Justin had gone to stay with a cousin. I hadn't seen him in a few days, when one of my Mom's friends had seen him cheating on me. Well my Mom's friend told me about it and Given Justin's past history of cheating, I believed it, So that night he called me and I asked him out right "So Justin how's your other Girlfriend doing?". Naturally being the lying jerk that he was he denied it and we got into a huge fight and broke up for the last time. I took a glass bear that he had given me, walked outside and smashed it to pieces on the sidewalk. I saw him after that but the feelings I had for him were gone, I couldn't trust him.

2.)
Brian. Brian and I had a very interesting relationship because we never really talked anywhere but on the phone and on the internet. I actually met him online in a chat room. Yes you read that right.. in a chat room. I knew he was my age because we had talked via webcam several times. We would talk on the phone almost every night. He was in South Carolina and I was in California. It was nice being with some one without the physical aspect of it all. It was all really good we were really good friends for years even after we broke up. Things kinda boiled over in 2008 when I told him that I was not going to come visit him because my Boyfriend at the time was not comfortable with me going. He vanished after that, I have not heard from him in a long time. I found out later that he was hoping to "Get Lucky" when I came to visit.

3.)
JR. I really never dated JR we kinda had a weird thing.. we were seeing each other but then we weren't at the same time. JR was 26 when I was 18 and he was really really cute! I crushed on him and hard. The point of the matter is is that I wanted this man. It was weird because I even told him that i like him and he knew it. One night I decided to take matters into my own hands and I kissed him.The thing about JR is that he was extremely good at playing head games. He would tell me that he it couldn't work because I was so young and he wouldn't be able to take me out to bars or clubs because i was under 21 and then 2 nights later he would change his tune. One night He and I had a talk. He told me that he didn't want to be with me and that there was no way that it was going to work, so I said okay and accepted my defeat and the fact that this man didn't want me. Well the night before my 19th birthday, My mom, her friend H. and I were drinking. Well I was rubbing H.'s back and had had a few to many shots of Tequila and well you can guess what happened. Well my mom walked in on me and H. and was pissed. My Mother not thinking told JR's friend who was also our friend and in turn JR's friend told him. Well the night of my 19th birthday, JR came over and basically screamed at me because I had slept with some one else. All I could keep thinking was "Why are you so pissed off? You were the one who told me that you didn't want to be with me because I was to young for you." He told me that night that he never wanted to speak to me again and that I was to have no contact with him what so ever until he talked to me first and that was the end of that. His head games should of been my first clue. My second clue should of been something he told one of my Mother's dim witted boyfriends one time, which I will not repeat here.

4.)
Jason. The egotistical, sex obsessed, gambling addicted, CONTROL FREAK! Jason dated for so little a time that I actually forgot his last name. I met Jason when I was working at Cracker Barrel in Fort Myers, FL. Jason was a customer and he was really cute. Well the first time I met him I was checking him out at the counter. Well I thought it would be a good Idea to leave my Number on the back of the receipt. Well when he went to walk out without it I stopped him and told him that all customer that pay with credit card need to take their receipts, well he bought it. I Guess he must have noticed my number on the back and said something to one of his friends because he called the Store and asked for my number again because one of his friends had accidentally ripped the receipt. I gave him my number and later that week he called me and went on our first date. We went to the movies and didn't even watch the movie, we spent most of the time making out. Anyways at this time I only had a prepaid phone because it was really all that i could afford at the time, well frequently i would run out of minutes and He would not be able to get a-hold of me and this would make him upset. Well we had been dating about two weeks when Valentines day came round. As a Valentines Day gift Jason actually bought me a Cell phone. Of course I knew at the time that this phone that his name was on the bill for was so that he could get ahold of me when he wanted. Anyways I found out that he had one of the dirtiest minds ever, Jason was always asking me if I wanted to try this new sexual position or this new sexual trick and most of them were just things that i was not comfortable with. We started to fight alot and he would get upset if I didn't answer my phone or if he could not reach me. Finally I just broke it off because it was getting to much. He basically thought that he was King shit. I'm not going to lie the sex was good but that's about it.

And last but not least #5)

I'm going to call him H. You will remember H. from guy number 3, He was the one I slept with when I was kinda seeing JR. Well we ended up dating some time after I had gotten ride of Jason's dumb ass. This relationship was toxic from the start. We started out just sleeping in the same bed because I had gotten tired of sleeping on the floor at my Step-dad's. Well we eventually started literally sleeping together and things were going really really good. Well then the drugs started and he started to change. He told me once that I didn't know what love was and in all actuality I did. I can honestly say that I did love him and I fell for him hard, I think that the was the reason that I stayed, even after he sold my Laptop for drugs. I felt like I could help him get through the drug addiction (I suspect that he sold my a camera of mine as well for drugs but that i will never know). We started fighting alot after I started spending alot of time over at his place and eventually moved in. He started using drugs more and things got worse. We spent more time screaming at each other then talking. I finally left. I tried to mend things when he moved back into my step-dad's, but to no avail. I ended up having a psychotic breakdown because things were so bad and he was seeing other women and I just couldn't take it because I did still love him. Finally I went away. I have not seen him since.


In conclusion, I knew that all these guys were all trouble when I first met all of them. All of them had fatal flaws that I chose to ignore when entering into some sort of relationship with them. I'm not saying that I dont have blame for the way some of them turned out because I did. The point is that these guys have left some sort of impression on me and have affected the relationships that I have had after them. I knew that they would all hurt me in some way shape or form. I loved a few of them, more then I think they loved me if they loved me at all.

Things are better in my life now, I have an amazing Husband who care's for me and treat's me like I'm a princess and even though he drives me f-ing crazy ALLOT and we both get on each others nerves, we work things out and we still love each other. Well that's all for now folks!

Love
Christiania

I’m Fat and I’m Fabulous

My name is Christiania and I'm 26 years old. I wear anything from  size 22W - 26W. I am currently a stay at home Mom and Wife. For years I would beat myself up for not being one if the "Pretty" Skinny girls, like the one's in magazines and on TV or walking about on the beach with bikini's on. I've learned to look at things in two different ways.. Don't like it, then don't look and I'm me. Love it or Shove it!

For most of my life (like other overweight women), I have been pressed up by other because of my size. Yes people I realize that I am overweight, but that does not give you the right to judge me. The point is.. that you don't know my lifestyle. People see us "overweight" people and the automatically assume 1) Oh they eat all the time that's why they are fat. 2) They must be lazy. 3) Wow they eat alot of fast foo. 4) They must be really unhappy.... any there are many many more a can assure you.

To address number four from the above paragraph:

   Just because I am FAT does not mean that I am unhappy in anyway. I am perfectly happy, with who I am and the way I look. I don't over eat, in fact I eat a very decent healthy meal. To quote a another Blog that i read earlier tonight (http://www.jenniferpwilliams.com/2010/10/dear-marie-claire-im-fat-and-im.html)

"The size of my body has NEVER affected the amount of happiness in my life.  It has never affected the way my husband feels about me. I know that may be hard for some people to believe, but regardless of size my husband has always found me sexy.  For real.

It has never affected the number or quality of friends in my life. I have lots of them, and they all love me in spite of the fact that I’m morbidly obese.  As a matter of fact I believe that if you asked them to describe me the size of my body would be the last thing that came into their minds.  Lucky me that they care more about the size of heart than the size of my ass."

I think she said it right. Being fat does not make me any different from anyone else.. it just means that there is more of me too love. Yes in all honesty I would like to lose a few pounds but that's for ME and not anyone else!  I will also admit that yes I do feel awful going into stores like "American Eagle" and not being able to buy anything but jewelry because I can't fit into any of the clothes, but in the end I'm kinda glad because I'm too cheap to spend $50 on a freaking t-shirt. 

What it all really boils down to is this..If I am truly happy with myself then why in the hell should I really give a crap about what other people think about me? The answer is.. I don't give a crap about what people think about me. I'M FAT AND I'M FABULOUS AND LOVING IT!!! 

Love me or hate me. I am what I am!

Christiania 

Skinny Girls Are For Wimps and Big is Drop Dead Gorgeous

Okay so I am not going to lie... I am under no false impression's that I am skinny. I am a hefty size woman and I am proud of it!  I read everyday about Doctors going on and on about how us heavy sized people need to go on diets and how we need to try this new "Skinny making" drink and I honestly want to puke.

As a human I understand the importance of being healthy and I try my damnedest to do be so, but I'm also happy with the way my body looks. I feel good in my own skin and that's really all that matters. I eat healthy enough (though I will admit I do have a bad caffeine addiction and soda is my heroin), but I am not about to turn myself into one of those, Half a Grapefruit, 1/2 cups of almonds, and 1 glass of soy milk kinda girl.

When I was in Junior High School I was "The Fat Girl". Everyone made fun of me for my weight and it killed me every day, When I went to High School I still got made fun of but I learned to stick up for myself and not let any of their crap bother me. My weight never bothered my friends (or atleast they never said anything). I was at one time a size 16w, but I blame that not on my own hard work but on the fact that I was on a Crap ton of Medicine. The Point is that even though now I'm a Size 22W, I feel great! So what if I'm not skinny enough to wear a bikini or wear short shorts, I love my self and who I am and if anyone else doesn't like it well then don't look.

Society places so much pressure on young girls today to be some model of perfection, with a skinny waist and big boobs and whats worse is that we don't even realize the damage we are causing. We are setting up unrealistic goals that we know that some of them will never be able to achieve. As a mother I want my daughter to be happy about they way she looks and to feel good about it, whither she be skinny like her Father or heavy set with a little junk in the trunk like me. I don't want to see the day where my Daughter comes home crying because someone made fun of her because of the way she looks, I want her to come home and say to me "Mom, someone made fun of me today because I look different and I told them where they could shove it".

You should love yourself the way God made you and be happy about it. God made you perfect even if you are a "Big Beautiful Woman" like me. You were made in HIS image and not anyone else's, you should not change anything about yourself just because you feel the need to because people tell you, that you should.

Here's an example.. My sister is pretty and skinny, she can literally eat anything she wants and not gain a single pound. For years my Grandmother along with several others in my family have been telling me that I  need to lose weight, well every time they say something about my weight it just irks me. I really think that it bothers them that im not skinny like my sister. The way I look at things are like this.. My Husband loves me for my personality and not the way I look, my friends dont mind how I look they too like me for my personality... So why in the Hell would I want to change myself to make anyone else happy but myself?

Today I read an article about a guy who created a Barbie doll using 3D technology that was averaged sized, ( Here is the link: http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/157860/artist_creates_barbie_with_averagesize#commentBox ) and when I looked at this Barbie doll I was like WOW!!  I literally think the average Barbie looks better then the Old one. You can judge for yourself.. Im going to leave it here and call it night.


Love
Christiania M. N.