I am a Mother

I always knew that I was destined to be a wife and a Mother. It was a calling that I felt long before I was able comprehend what love and marriage actually meant. It was like the feeling I had when I was younger telling me that I was differnt from everyone else, older in spirit then in age. On December 23, 2011 I gave birth to my daughter Madison by C-section. In the moments before her birth I can remember being nervous, out right scared, and a flurry of other emotions, but I also couldn't wait to see her. My husband Josh was a great comfort to me in the operating room, he sat there and held my hand and kept telling me that he loved me. When the Doctor finally pulled her out and I heard her cry for the first time, I wept with a sense of euphoria, my little girl was in the world. I only got to see her for about 30 seconds when the doctor lifted her over the curtain that was seperating my upper body from the grisly scene that was my lower body. After all was said and done and she was wiped off and had everything cleaned out they handed her to my husband, the smile from ear to ear on his face was priceless. Now here I can admit to some jealousy, I wanted to hold her first. Had I of had a natural child birth like I wanted I would of gotten to do that, unfortunately circumstances would not allow for that. I can remember being in Panic when it was time for Josh and the baby to leave the room so they could staple me back together, even though I knew Madison was in safe hands I still couldn't fight fear. I never really understood why I was afraid, I just wanted to hold her. I remember when they finally wheeled me out into the recovery room and I saw my baby there, I felt a pang and a longing in my heart to hold her. After was seemed like an eternity and when they were done giving her her shots and stuff I finally got to hold my baby. When I finally got to hold her, I felt a joy in my heart that I have never felt before, It was an instant bond. One can never truly explain the feeling of the bond between Mother and child, you have to experience it yourself to truly understand. Since Madison has been born it been a new adventure and a new experience. There are good days and bad days, but every day is more beautiful then one before. In the three months since her birth she has grown so much. I love her more with each passing day. I am a mother and I wouldn't want to be anything else.